Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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