So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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