He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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