Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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