just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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