so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
