Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
