i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
