Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
