I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
