My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
