I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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