summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
