I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
