I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
