i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
