Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
