Where did you get a picture of my penis
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
the liver wants what the liver wants
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
