K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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