also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
