In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
