well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Vodka?
Forever.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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