WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
