Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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