Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
