She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
