go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
