Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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