Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
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