ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
