well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
