He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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