I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
