Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Just puked most of my soul out..
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
