margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
