You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Is Oprah even human
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
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