I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
my liver is dry heaving
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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