his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
