I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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