just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
