Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
