I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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