my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
