so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
You smell like stripper and shame
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
