Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
