The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
