the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
