Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Randomize
