also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
That accounts for only three of the penises
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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