Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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