I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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