If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
