If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
