Will you blow on my dice?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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