I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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