Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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