well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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