Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
