Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
