Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
