just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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