well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
