Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
