Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
