Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
