the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
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