we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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