finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize